For better or purse - the other side

A valid comment in my last post by Amodini made me think:
...if you don't want your daughter's worth measured in terms of money (dowry), why judge a man based on his material possessions ?
Makes sense. I am no hardline feminist and I think that the other side deserves to be heard. From a reasonable standpoint, men are equally under pressure. Especially because, for them, financial standing is everything. A woman may be judged on her looks or education, but a man is always judged on his income for the purpose of marriage.

The bias truly exists among parents - who would prefer a richer groom for their daughter than a middle class one. Money is everything in today's world and we often forget the tremendous pressure exerted on boys right after they complete their education, to get on with acquiring wealth. And they cannot even think of getting married without acquiring a fat bank balance (for which they are openly interrogated) and a flashy car. What happened to character, good values, intelligence and honesty? Now, these values have been replaced by a 'smartness' which only means being selfish enough to get ahead at the cost of ethics.

A friend of mine always says that it's easier for women to move ahead in life. While I don't completely agree with him, I would say that for women above the poverty/illiteracy border, they do have it easier, since whatever they do is for themselves - while men always have their families to look after (parents and siblings), in addition to acquiring the right social status for marriage.

I am not denying the discrimination against women, but I do protest is the unreasonable expectations from men to 'make it big'.
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Gugan said...


this one clearly dispels all the questions i wanted to raise as comments under ur previous post!

but still there're few things i 'd like to add:

dowry is a deep rooted evil in our society that has made the female child the unwanted,leading to what is known as female foeticide.Pitifully,many states have an unhealthy sex low that the men of the state go to other states to pick their lady paying heavy sum in return!!looks like this is reversal of dowry!!
but solution to all this lies in; complete eradication of the dowry which is not possible until the law is made more severe and implementaion is guaranteed on a top priority basis!!


Anonymous said...

You are a very sweet and understanding person.......we men are basically money churnning machines and that is the reason we have lost emotions, if women starts thinking about men and understand them, i think these social problems like dowry would not exist and men will aslo respect women for a change.

One thing is assured that the man who will come to your life as the most important one will definately have a great life and he will for sure treat you with lot of respect and will shower all his love on you.....because you will understand him like no other women.

God bless

Zaigham Hasan said...

People who expect that ‘the law’ can completely stop this system of dowry have probably not thought little ahead on the time line. If scribbling laws in books can change the society, any nation can become, Greece, Persia, Rome or Great Britain. Even the Greeks couldn’t get rid of it.

Dowry is not the only evil in the society and if the laws against it are reinforced to a higher degree, men will start writing grievance blogs on advance dower ‘cause this would prevail then. There are bazillions reasons for it. Law is not the solution as Law can be (and have been) misused also. I don’t say that it will not have impact but the positive impact will be very little and repercussions will be more.

There is need of good education, not on commerce but on humanism and metaphysics.

Readers and Bloggers are invited to suggest ‘measures’ to have a law which can be implemented without jeopardizing the security of men.

(I am going to re-read the Measure for Measure – it’s a good comedy).

Anonymous said...

First thanks for the rahi link. know a few bylines and rever others. it was pleasure reading some of those pieces.
now this post. i found it a familiar rant; havent we all heard it too often? or may you feel strongly about it for you are young, and raring to go. I franky find such good-versus-evil social-do-gooder debates tiresome. no offense intended

Zaigham Hasan said...

By the way, how much they are asking for (the ladkawalaas)?

Tarana Khan said...

I really don't know the rates but I am sure it's directly proportional to the 'status' of the groom. Plus, the smart ones don't ask for never know after all, there might be hidden cameras lurking around...

Zaigham Hasan said...


To draw a line, we must find information about all this so that we can act proactively towards the Mission of eradicating dowry system.

Without having relevant inputs (in measurable terms) our exercise on reading this bog will become futile.

Invite commnets from the people on what should be allowed and what we shouldn't.

Anonymous said...

Dowry is never a problem for rich! Do rich gals find it hard to get groom? People demand dowry so as to help the groom start his career. This is a concept that just established patriarchy. Why can't the women work and take care of her husband?
I have seen that dowry is a problem with the poor who find it hard to find a good match.


I understand that laws can never eradicate social evils especially if its deep-rooted in the society but that doesn't mean we don't make laws! It will be like endorsing the practice. Education is the best option but it will take time.

Atif said...

one has to be practical. house has to be run and if boy is not earning enough,it will run into trouble. i have seen many relations gone the younger age, boys and girls don't realise and start dreaming.after certain age, even the most romantic girl will ask for the basic comforts of life first before having anything to do with romance.
since parents have seen more of these, they want their daughters to understand the basic facts of the life.
tough too much of anything is bad, its always better to look beyond dreams.

Zaigham Hasan said...

Dear Atif,
Yours is the most practical, straight and to-the-point comment on the subject.

I agree with you, seasoned and experienced man!

Atif said...

adoni prepared.

AMODINI said...

Discrimination against women and unreasonable expectations from men (sons, husbands etc.) are the 2 sides of the same coin. If we didn't discriminate against women, and encouraged education/empowerment, then maybe the financial pressure (which is right now pretty much on the males) might get a bit evenly divided. If you thought a woman could support herself and her family financially, maybe you wouldn't have to look for a rich groom. If instead of just men, the daughters were also expected to help their families (by being educated and having incomes), maybe they wouldn't just be treated as burdens, and the men could ease of some of that familial pressure. Beneficial both ways.

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