Driving in Delhi: Do you know the rules?

I started driving in Delhi over a year ago, and needless to say, was apprehensive about the notorious ways of the road in Delhi. So far, I have realised that there is a code of conduct that 80 per cent of the people driving in Delhi follow, except for the remaining well-behaved minority and the more abundant irrational cab drivers. So, here are the ten rules followed by most people on Delhi roads:
  1. DON'T drive in a single lane. This shows that you have no knowledge of driving. Why follow one lane when you can zig-zag your way through and get there faster (even by two minutes, it's worth it)?
  2. When there's a traffic jam in a two-way lane, don't be stupid and stand with the rest of the morons. Instead, go to the OTHER side of the road where it's clearer. Don't worry about the traffic coming from the other side, you can just bully them into the corner. Besides, very soon, the other morons will follow you and extend the traffic jam to both sides of the road so that it's total chaos and nobody gets anywhere.
  3. When the traffic policeman signals you to stop, just inch your way into the middle of the road and zoom off while the traffic coming the other way tries to dodge you.
  4. Even if there's a red signal, keep honking so that the person in front is compelled to do the stunt mentioned above.
  5. Honk even if there's no reason to, it's shows them you're the man!
  6. Overtake from the left without even so much a twitch of the eye. Don't bother honking, it's the other person's responsibility to watch out for cars coming from their right and left.
  7. When you are driving at night, MAKE SURE that your car is on high beam so that people know you have them. It's ok if you blind everybody around you to crash into the divider. (same goes for fog lights, even if it's not foggy)
  8. Indicators are for wimps. When you want to turn right or left, just do so, what are you waiting for?!
  9. When you see a woman driving treat her like an idiot and NEVER let her overtake you, even if it means risking your life. Your manhood is more important.
  10. Lastly, if you ride a two-wheeler (esp a bike), you are naturally exempt from traffic rules. Drive any way you want, go over dividers or even footpaths, and generally, flout all rules of civilized driving.
Happy Driving!
Delhi 7951164197205906319

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Chumki said...

You missed one. Cars should have a blind in the blind in the rear glass to protect you from sunlight and also prevent you from giving a damn about who's behind you. Also your side view mirror should either be broken or shut. After all you spend so much money to tame a have the right to think that this is 'my baap ka rasta'..

Swati Seth said...

hehehe...Good one, TK.
Now, I have more reasons for not driving on Delhi roads :)

srinivasan said...

It actually made me feel that I was not sitting and reading this but driving. ...So aptly put it into words.

Indu said...

I dont know how to drive but still i can say it's so real as well funny...Loved this one

NENE said...

Honking is definitely a birthright in the capital...They make the maximum use of it! When is India gonna start charging for birthrights that it issues to people..??!!

It's a 'mast' one interesting read! :)


~ ॐ ~ said...

LOL in capitals...

while I agree to this, over a period of time I have reasons to believe that its not true for the entire city !!! and is more than 100% truth for some parts...

I started loving driving in Delhi more than any other city after I drove or was on the roads in some other cities of the country... But then, we all drive, and some drive us crazy !!!

musafir said...

i guess these rules apply to all cities and not just for Delhi :-)

RIcha said...

Sarcasm at its best.. :)

Marie Curry said...

ha ha Ha HA!!!

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