Countdown to Two: Dear Little Dude...
I'm still trying to get my head around that fact that you are two years old today! I won't say that you grew up too fast. You took your time and I held on to every moment like it was a precious little gem. I have seen you transform from a helpless, tiny infant into a smart-thinking and creative toddler that you are now. I knew from the minute I saw you for the first time - with your lips formed into an 'O' and one of your eyes shut, with your eyebrows furrowed - that I wanted to be there every moment with you. You helped me do that by not letting me do a thing out of your sight, and that's alright because you only did it because of your attachment to me. Over time, I realized that I am as attached to you and it's hard to come to terms with your growing independence. Luckily for me, you still have some of the little baby inside you, when you cling to my legs because you don't want to let me go. At the same time, you want to run away and embrace life completely. You don't want to be held back from any of the excitement that life has to offer.
For the past two years, my life has been nothing but you. Yes, I have learned to look beyond my maternal vision, but I cannot ignore the fact that I am a changed person. And I have you to thank for it. You taught me what unconditional love means, and how a mother's love can be like the bottomless ocean, dynamic with currents of beautiful memories. You taught me to look at the world with new eyes - one of the unexplored. You also taught me to slow down and stop rushing to get things done. I can say without doubt that I am a better person now.
I still feel the weight of the responsibility that bringing you into this world brought with it. I feel responsible for everything you see, feel and discover. But I know that you want to carve your own path, because you are, after all, a separate individual. I worry, because I don't want you to fall and I don't want you to get hurt. At the same time, with a beating heart, I let go of your hand, because you have inherited your place in this world and I can't get in the way of that. I know that the world we have passed on to you is becoming increasingly unsafe and I fear the dangers that tread the same path. But I must keep the faith and believe in the good that still exists in some hearts, and I must count on that faith to encourage you to keep going ahead.
Little Dude, it's going to be a long journey with no map to guide you. But you know you can always call out to me, and I will come and hold your hand. Happy Birthday, my son, I hope you reach for the stars and succeed in grabbing a few!
Countdown to Two is a series I started, counting down to my son's second birthday. Read the posts leading up to this one:
Part 1: Birth to six months
Part 2: Six months to a year
Part 3: 12 to 23 months