Fearing the worst, expecting the best

I remember the first time I felt fear as a parent. It was when I was home alone with Little Dude for the first time. I felt terrified of the responsibility that was bestowed upon me in the form of a beautiful baby. I was over the moon, but I was also unable to come to terms with the fact that everything I did was going to shape another human being's life. At least, that's the way it felt to me. I had trouble sleeping at night, not because he woke me often, but because I felt I had to keep looking at him to see if he was doing alright. I did this even though he was right beside me. Such are the fears that only parenthood makes us experience. Every step, we wonder whether we are doing the right thing. Ever thing we do must take into account its implication for our children.

I thought this fear would diminish over time. But I didn't expect to have so many things to worry about as time progressed. At two years of age, as Little Dude becomes more independent, I am afraid to let go. I wonder whether I have equipped him to deal with failure, disappointments, and fear itself. I don't think I'll ever be ready to let go. As parents, isn't a part of us always with our kids? Isn't it true that wherever we are, and whatever we are doing - they are always in our thoughts?

I see the world differently now. In my eyes, everything is a threat to my child - the traffic, the pollution, the crime, and the pesticides. I worry about the dangerous and unsafe world our children are inheriting (I wrote about it in Parenting in a big, bad world). For the first time, I want to eat healthy and stay well for his sake. No more risks tempt me, and my 'adventures' are anything but those.

Since these fears are so much part of me as a parent, I don't feel that the expectations that we create of being a 'perfect parent' is a good thing. I will never be perfect. I may even be over-protective. But I want to do everything I can to make my son smile. I'll try to teach him things that will make him a good person, so he can inspire goodness in others. Right now, I must brush away my fears and cynicism, and show him the sunshine and the rainbows. Because, as important as it is to protect our children, it is our duty as parents to show them the beauty of everyday life, and point out the goodness that still exists in this world. Children already know how to appreciate the little things in life, and we must encourage them.

This post has also been linked to Post Comment Love.

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