Five Tips for Dealing with Toddler Fears

We've never had any issues with my toddler being scared of imaginary things, until recently. He happened to have a bad dream and believed it was real. It was hard to explain the concept of a dream to him, because he was so convinced he wasn't dreaming.

At first, he was scared to go to sleep and wanted to hold my hand the whole time. Eventually, he realized, with reassurance from me, that what he feared wasn't real and has become his normal self. One of the things I learned from this experience is that toddlers can develop fear from the most unexpected things, and in unexpected ways. This is especially true of toddlers who are overly imaginative or highly sensitive.

Even seemingly innocent kids' shows on television can create fears in toddlers, so it is very important to strictly limit their screen time and monitor every single thing they watch. Sometimes, an off-hand remark by an adult (such as, 'I'm going to eat you up!') can lead to anxiety.

The bottom line is that fears are part of growing up and as parents, it can be difficult to see your toddler scared of something non-existent or innocent. But to them, it's very real, and can play havoc with routines, appetite, and sleep.

There is no shortcut to making a fear disappear and you have to be patient and calm to let it go off on its own, with your constant support.

Here are five tips for dealing with fear in your toddler:

1. Try to find the root cause

Sometimes, it's just one incident that may lead to a nagging fear. When your toddler is in a talkative mood, try to bring out what led them to develop the fear. You can't ask outright, but you can ask related questions like, 'What don't you like about going to the bathroom?'. It's not always that simple, but when there is a single cause, at least you'll know what to address.

2. Validate their feelings

The last thing you want to say in response to a toddler's fear is, 'Don't be silly!'. You may think it silly for them to be scared of balloons, for instance, but for them, the thought of a balloon popping might be terrifying. Firstly, accept their fear as real, and something to be dealt with seriously. Tell them that you understand that they are scared, and it's okay. Assure them that you will work together to banish it.

3. Look for an immediate solution

Often, it will not be easy to get rid of a fear for a long time. One of the best things to do is to avoid the trigger altogether. For fear of the dark, get a night light. If your toddler is scared of balloons or clowns and you go to a party, let your host know in advance, or just don't go. Facing a fear head on is not exactly something that works for a toddler.

4. Gently allay the fear

An important thing toddlers need to feel is security from their parents. When dealing with fear, parents must make an extra effort to show them they are right there. Spend extra time together if you can. Gently talk about what causes them to be scared and try to assure them that it cannot harm them.

5. Use positive imagery

Beat negative thoughts with positive ones. Tell them funny stories. Play games. Make them laugh. In short, create positive imagery in their minds to overcome fearful thoughts. In our case, since Little Dude's fear was related to bedtime (and most toddler fears are), I made an effort to give him extra time to settle down and talked to him about things he liked, and positive experiences.

Above all, try to use reassuring words whenever you can. But don't lose sight of the fact that you must try to end or lessen the fear in your toddler. Have that aim in mind, however long it takes.